There are numerous times that we ask ourselves this question. Why am I in a situation like this? Why am I facing this shit? Why am I not getting what I deserve?
My answer always has been…ok…so it’s me! I take it up as a challenge… I change the why me to try me. And as cliche as it sounds, it sure helps.
Each of those situations were tough…times when I was shaken up and my existence was questioned. The way out of it has always been intriguing. I never knew what pushes me out of this abyss. Is it some invisible hand, my own survival instincts or factors of nature ?? Does it really matter? Once you are out, you hardly think of the situation. Do you learn anything from it? Not really…till you fall into it again and then ask, why me?
Sometimes you know all along that things are not going your way and probably never will. Your instincts try and pull you away from the situation and people. But you get drawn into the very place from where you want to escape… like quicksand you keep getting sucked in without any control. And it takes all of your strength, will power and determination to pull yourself out of the muck. No point in waiting for outside help because at that point you realize that you yourself can bring yourself out of it… and you gotta do it, before you are lost to this world.
Which marriage doesn’t have problems… but mine started on the first day itself…or to put it straight the first night itself. The foundation of the marriage started off with doubt and suspicion and probably ended too with the same reason… doubt and suspicion…all the in between years doesn’t seem to make any sense now. The seed of suspicion which was sown on day one slowly started growing day by day…year by year… until its roots uprooted me.
I had a very secure and happy childhood. Never had I been exposed to the dark side of human nature. Grew up with love, laughter and loads of dreams. Trusted my parents and was trusted by them… Like they say, marriages are made in heaven… I think when mine was made,God was on a holiday and some drunk assistant took over. A match that looked picture perfect… turned out to be just that… perfect only in a picture.